Sunday, August 28, 2011

Life Changing Moments

Here is a little something my friend Phyllis posted on facebook today and I immediately borrowed it!

A study has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire. No further studies are expected on this matter. nuff said!

This quote made me think of a friend I worked with at school, a few years back.  She was our graphic artist and she was going through similar feelings!  She called the doctor's office to make an appointment and the receptionist said she could come in, in two weeks.  Linda told her, with her voice escalating, "Lady, i don't think you understand.  In two weeks my husband will be dead, my children will be dead and my house burned down".  The receptionist said she could come in the next day!  True story.

This in turn makes me think about my own life.  I have struggled with  anxiety and panic attacks most of my life.  I had no idea there was name for it, much less medication to control it.  I just knew I spent my entire life worrying about things that were completely out of my control.  I will post my "I come from" poem tomorrow (it was a prompt in my Misty Mawn online class I took this year).  For those of you that don't know me, this will explain alot of the anxiety that started as a child.  Then along came Jodi and helped me realize it was something real.  Two years ago, our cat Roadie disappeared from our other home in Caliente, Nevada.  I was heartbroken.  And to make it worse, he vanished 5 years to the day my daddy died in that same house.  I was a freakin mess.  I cried for a week, and that is when Linda stepped in and had me talk to the doctor.  She suggested Lexapro and I started taking it and it changed my life.  I asked her the next year when I went in for my annual check up, if I could be the poster child for Lexapro!  I am not advocating taking drugs of any sort, I just know it worked immediately for me.  Funny worked so fast that the following week after starting it, I was out doing errands and grocery shopping.  I came home and told Lee that everywhere I went, people smiled at me and said hello.  He said, maybe because you are now smiling and looking up.  Aha!  As I told someone, it just took the edge off.  Don't get me wrong, I still worry.  I am still nervous when in traffic on the freeway.  I still have white knuckles on airplane rides!  I still lay in bed at night and listen to Lee breathing, praying he will stay healthy for a very long time. I still wonder if that headache is a brain tumor.  I just know these things are out of my hands and there is a higher power watching over me.  Thank you Jodi and Linda for always being there and listening and loving me. And thank you to the love of my life, Lee, for always standing beside me and loving me, no matter what!                                   

I hope I haven't spilled too much personal information!  I hope my followers on this blog don't suddenly decrease!  I just ended up here from the funny quote at the top of the page!  xo

What causes you anxiety?

For me.......what if they run out of pie?!!
I heart pie!


Mary Jane said...

What a wonderful post Carlanda, and so gut open and honest! My Mom suffered from terrible depression and anxiety all of her life and know how crippling and awful it can be! Luckily, I myself do not suffer with depression and on occasion the anxiety will set in for took me three years to drive on the 215 here, still don't like it (probably never will) but I have earned to control the anxiety on that one for the most part! Fears are a big issue in my book and have learned they will take your life over if you let them! I am so glad you had the courage to reach out for help and am so happy that you have found a medication that helps are a wonderful person (I could tell that the minute I met you) and very courageous...good for you, you deserve the very best that life has to offer!

Carol Desjarlais said...

Dear heart,
When I lost my soulmate in 2000, I immediately began having panic attacks. Now you must know, I spent 20 years working in psychological healing for others. I had helped others through panic attacks and getting a handle on them. Now, I had to experience them to know better how to help.
That feeling of waking up, arms slamming back wide spread, and thinking, "OMG, the worst thing just happened." and the slow realization that, in my life, for me, it did.
There is nothing more disconcerting!
Bless you for being authentic, I say.

joanne said...

how could anyone with a heart not love you, but even more so after reading such a tender, transparent, honest post such as this... your strength, resiliency, enthusiasm, courage and beautiful outlook touch everyone around you lucky enough to call you their friend... (including me)..


Kristin said... could this possibly offend anyone???...
Truth and Honesty in who you are and where you come from...I salute you and am so blessed that I have become 'Friends' with you,my art sister...Im still considering posting my 'I come from' poem...Exposing our true self is always hard...Hugs xo

Kristine said...

This was a "Truthful Post" - I wish more people would be SO honest. It was nice to see that everyone deals with their own insecurities, anxieties etc ... You are real ... And that is what makes you, you. It sounds like you have a wonderful support system - And this will help lessen these days. Glad we connected!

Marlene said...

WOW I can't believe how open and honest you were great job I love you my friend.

Anonymous said...

Love the honesty here. I am on buckets of meds and stuff...have been on buckets, and always will be on buckets. nuff said.
and i also happen to be a FELLOW PIE LOVER!!!
Your facebook pal, JV.

jodi said...

YOU my dear friend are a wonder! You are brave and true. You are beautiful and talented. You are hilarious and warm hearted. I am thankful for you everyday. You inspire me! And, by the way, you live too far away. ; ) I love you and consider it a true honor to call you friend.

Petie said...

WOW..what a load has been lifted from your shoulders!! I'm so happy that you found friends and meds that helped you! Now the wonder of YOU has been set free! I'm so glad that we met and I'm even happier to call you my friend!! And just like all the posts ahead of mine..I love your honest and truth! :D

Anonymous said...

hurricane irene made me anxious. i spent the last 48 hours in a state of heightened awareness i would call anxiety. i slept like a baby last night in her wake. i think our culture encourages us to be anxious and afraid all the time.... just watch commercials. if you can't think of something to worry about, they'll give you something, like bad breath or psoriasis or dirty carpets. and i don't even want to go into the news! not much makes me anxious because i see anxiety as wasted needlessly when i could be using it productively somehwere else. personally, my reaction to what your friend said to the woman on the phone... i call that using anxiety to manipulate and get your own way and i have to admit to having no patience for it. that's a kind of gameplaying in my book and it doesn't work with me. i'd have laughed and asked your friend if she wanted to pick some powerball numbers or was up for a day at the races. i hope that's not too tough and honest for you!

Francesca Di Leo said...

carls, this post could have easily been written by me. i too suffer from what i now know is 'generalized anxiety disorder', and came to a point in my life (during pregnancy none-the-less) where I could no longer function. it was scary, and i had no clue what was happening to me. i finally found someone that could help me. and the next week after taking 'zoloft' i was like a brand new person. now life is different. i'm actually going to on a plane on my own. i still worry of dying but it isn't paralyzing anymore.

so suffice to say my friend, i feel your story, thanks for sharing. Makes me feel so much better that i'm not the only one. cause i too could be a poster child for zoloft. i say, woohooo drugs.

Petie said...

I don't understand why someone would post without a clue to who they are??? Not much honesty there..
Ignore negative people!! We're all your friends and love you and your openness and honesty.

Sweetest in the Gale said...

Your words have touched me deeply...I can relate completely to the non-stop worrying and anxiety. Thank you for your honesty!

dellerd said...

I so relate with this post, white knuckle rides in heavy traffic, foot on my imaginary brake in front of me on the floor, being fearful of airplane rides and praying I never have to take one, and laying in bed at night and listening to Jim breathing and then he stops and I panic until he starts breathing again, coming close to shaking him awake. Now I have something else that I worry about....a new mechanical aortic heart valve. I listen to that every night before I go to sleep, listening to all the irregular heartbeats. But I am alive and it could of be far worse than this....I so relate to you my Dear....xoxoxoxo

Lyn said...

My lovely brave friend Carly, thank you for being so open, honest and strong. I believe both our childhood and adult experiences shape us into the people we are today...that is certainly the case for me. But we also have a let them beat us...keep us walking with our head lowered...or to find the strength eventually to hold our heads high and believe in ourselves. It's taken me most of my adult life to find that kind of strength and of course I still worry...I worry myself silly...and I no longer drive..I haven't driven for years (but I honestly believe that is for the best!). But today I have become the person I always was but wasn't allowed to be. I treasure our friendship Carly and I am honoured to be your friend. xoxo

sunshine barlowe lewis said...

Carlanda, You are so brave!!! Thank you for sharing your heart.

carlanda brown williamson said...

thank you my sweet loving friends. i don't know where the thoughts come from, they just do. and so i write. and i wait. and then i get some random comment from someone that can't identify themselves. i can't please everyone. whomever you are, i am glad you don't have any anxiety. good for you. you are lucky. maybe you want to identify yourself? yes?